A Letter to My Present Self from My Past Self

Dear You,

You’ve changed a lot in five years. You’ve gotten rounder and heavier and more wrinkled in the eye area. It’s also reasonable to say that you’ve gotten even more damaged than you were broken back in 2009. And if we are to talk about your finances, you still stinking suck with very few dollars as your stash of cash. You didn’t complete your MA; and you haven’t gotten started getting serious with your life-long passion. Let’s not even attempt to get into your love life; there isn’t any. And for someone in her late twenties, you are pretty much back to the start, rebuilding life around where you live now and the feel of your realities as opposed to your dreams. It’ll be easy to sum up your life: FAILURE. What’s going on that is so significant anyway? NONE would appear fitting an answer. But you know what, I see from the other side. Where you are is still better than where you were five years ago.

Five years ago, you were chasing a boy who left you; that boy you trusted with your heart only for him to break it into a million, irreparable pieces. Five years ago, you were brave but blinded. Five years ago, you were angry with your parents, envied your siblings, and hated on yourself.  You said and did things with so much regard for your self-image and what others thought about you. You were too shy, too oblivious to your own strengths, too afraid. You were too busy and too tired you barely slept to juggle school and work and family and friends. You were far more detached and selective of people you allow to enter your life. You did many things because you were told to and you couldn’t muster a “no”. You hated your facial moles, the way your chin pointed sharply, and the size of your enormous calves. You were constantly discontented and you just didn’t appreciate the person you saw in the mirror. You had many sleepless nights worrying. You were lost and you wanted to be helped; to be found. But today, I want to congratulate you for having grown. I want to congratulate you for knowing  yourself better.

My dear, you are still flawed in ways a many and most of your dreams and goals haven’t materialized yet but that tranquil calm within your soul and that sense of self you now embrace make you a much better person. Your twenty-one-year-old self feels proud of you. Look at you. You can now stand and face the public with the most genuine of smiles and the most welcoming heart. You have never been this open to life; never have been this sincere; never have been this humbled. And slowly, you are gaining better vision of what and whom you want in your life. You are no longer that extremely giddy girl who jumped and fell for almost anything. Your experiences, good and bad, have enriched you. Like a diamond in the rough, you are getting polished and the beauty of who you are is getting revealed little by little. Please know that you are doing great; don’t fall prey to negative thoughts and despair. ‘Cause my dear, you are awesome. You are amazing and unique  in ways that you won’t fully realize or see. You are who you choose to be.  So choose to be happy. Choose loving who you are now more than who you were because even if you look back everyday and try hard to reconstruct or change me; you can’t. I can’t, I won’t be able to. Love us both, but love you MORE. You can still grow even more beautiful, even more humble, even more amazing.

-Your Past  Self