Replying to Grandma

There’s no greater gift in life than to be loved, especially by strangers.

A grandma skipped the first available cashier in order to cash out with me.¬†She smiled wide, inquired¬†about my health, and gave me candies. Lots¬†and lots of candies!¬†This is also the same woman who handed¬†me a colourful beaded bracelet months back.¬†She told me how happy she was to see me. She said she can’t always go out of her house due to the cold, her heart condition and her back problem. She also mentioned something about her daughter being faraway and how traveling is troublesome for her.¬†My heart melted by the way she tried to convey her pain through her hands and eyes.¬†By the end of the transaction, Grandma said “I love you” and held my hand. In reply, all I ¬†mustered¬†to say were “take care” and “take it easy“.¬†I just wasn’t as giving or loving as Grandma which is a pity, really.¬†

Moments like this one¬†get¬†me thinking—when do I stop being¬†selfish?¬†I withhold so much of what I can freely give because I am scared of being vulnerable, of being hurt, of being read completely, of being open. ¬†Life shows me the way to live and I find it so hard to fully allow myself to experience the process.

This is what life is about. It’s about love. I pray for the capacity to love without expecting anything in return like Grandma. It is my desire to give and not keep parts of me hidden away, tucked in some safe space. I hope God helps me resolve my tendency to put up defences where there should be no walls—in my heart.

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