It’s almost three in the morning and I still can’t shut my eyes to retire for the night. I wish I could be like most people who have their nutrition and sleeping habits in control and their thoughts in order. Mostly, my nutrition and sleep are unbalanced and my thoughts chaotic. Funny how I used to think getting older would mean “being better” in “living” life. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m improving with how I live mine. I only get more feelings, more disappointments, more dreams unrealized, more unfinished starts. Who’s counting, people say. Who cares, they add. Why worry, they quip. And all I can say is I do count, care and worry. Because I only get one life and every day feels shorter and even more numbered than the last. I want my life to mean something. I want to be someone. I want to achieve the dreams the Lord has placed in my heart and be the person everyone tells me I am. I wish to finish all that I have started and never end up just a being in the process of becoming, always. I want to be the person I believe and know I am within. I want to be a success story in my very eyes.
The question is, what is stopping me? Why can’t I seem to break free from me to be me?