Young Soul

Good bye, young soul, good bye.

I still cannot wrap my head around the idea of you leaving this earth too soon. Who would have known you intended to depart the way you did? Who would have thought you got trapped in a blackhole and couldn’t get out? You kept smiling for the world and we were all fooled by how shallow the cuts were in your very bones. You wished for your lungs to collapse, wanted your blood to spill, needed your thoughts to stop permanently.

Good bye, young soul, good bye.

I hate how I keep writing these good bye notes for kids like you, kids who were my own at one point, kids who I must have neglected to nurture and guide the best way I can. Who would have known I had a chance to help and blew it? Who would have known I could have made a bigger difference? You kept voicing out your opinions and participating in discussions that I believed and felt that fire in your belly and that glint in your eyes were enough proof that you have everything you could ever need in this life. However, you encountered something beyond your arsenal and your entire world came crashing down.

Good bye, young soul, good bye.

I wish I had told you about my first love and how it ruined me. I wish you had seen me when my heart almost stopped when it got ripped into pieces by a boy who couldn’t love me. I wish you had witnessed how dark that world had been. And how harder I wish you saw me struggle to pick myself up, bit by bit, daily. But I recovered, young one; I truly did, and most people do. However, it only  happens when we decide to continue, when we choose to heal, when we hope to see joy amid every pain. Maybe, you would have realized that young love is always hard, always hurts, and always ends… but that it isn’t the end. That you can go on and love more, and love again.

Good bye, young soul, good bye.

I wish I can tell you how brave you have been for putting up the best fight in you and against you. I wish I can pat you in the back and say you’ve done well and your battle is won. I wish I can hug you and lull you to sleep and tuck away the monsters under your bed. But most of all, I wish I had been there to stop you from thinking that what you were doing was courageous. Because it truly isn’t, because it truly isn’t fair, because it isn’t easy to fathom. Your absence bore a hole so big nothing could ever fill it.

Good bye, young soul, good bye.

As I look out the window tonight, I will think of you. I will think of how bright your eyes had been, how they resemble stars shining and lighting the darkest and gloomiest sky. Rest now, young lad, worry not your little head. This world shall never forget that once, there was you, you were here.

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