28 Realizations

I said goodbye to my twenty-seventh year yesterday. With it came many stories, lessons, wins and also misses. It was a meaningful year and today, I welcome another chapter in my book with 28 realizations. In a way, I am jotting down these realizations to serve as a self-assuring mechanism against fears that I feel creeping up my sleeve. I also want to keep this record because as you may now know about me, I forget things rather quickly.

  1. I have in me a well of patience and that is very surprising. And what’s even more surprising is the fact that this well of patience can easily be tapped should I turn it on with my mind. I have my customer service job to thank for this.
  2. I am a ball of energy and a joy to be around according to my co-workers and friends. And I see it now. Imagine the melancholic version of me processing that, took a while. Really.
  3. Despite my reluctance to lead in the past, I have learned that I can be a leader and that I have the capacity to influence people around me. I’ve finally found my inner ninja and have learned to stand up for myself and what I believe when more vocal and intimidating people try to talk me down or belittle me.
  4.  I like doing domicile things. Cooking, for example. I cook three to four times a week now (Thank you, Youtube). I also enjoy organizing drawers, bottling spices, doing laundry and mopping the floors.
  5. Toronto is my home. And the more I know the streets and its people, I feel more and more a part of the city. I believe I am a functional and integral component of it despite my very low income, my gender, or my race.
  6. I am what I put my body through. Food and exercise are already perceived very important to my well-being. I also believe my ideal body can be achieved by healthy eating, exercise and having a positive outlook.
  7. Singlehood is a wonderful, amazing thing and I love my independence. I do not need to settle for just about anybody and it’s okay to feel lonely sometimes. There are things I want in a partner and I continue to hope that in God’s perfect time, I will meet the love of my life.
  8. Saying no is a necessity in life. I can’t allow others to have their way while I suffer in silence.
  9. The only opinions that matter are the ones my heart, soul and body are at peace with. And the only authority on my being is that person in the mirror looking back at me.
  10. Life is full of distractions and I can get easily distracted. I have to work hard and keep focused and intent on my dreams and goals if I am to succeed and be happy.
  11. I have constant picker-uppers; unfortunately, they’re mostly food. Hello butter chicken roti, peanut butter chocolate, cheesy baked potatoes and bacon! But then again, I also go for running, walking, and dancing on my own. These, to me, are therapeutic.
  12. I will constantly change and will change my mind many, many times. I can’t doubt and resent myself for any of these changes because my indecision can be seen as an actual strength too.
  13. I get cynical most times but I still am a true-blue romantic. A cheeseball!
  14.  My desire to connect with the world does not end or depend on my social networking sites.
  15. More than ever, I want to be a writer and traveler.
  16. The most important thing I need to alter right now is my sleeping pattern.
  17. I will always be a sentimental fool and my past will always be significant to my future. I am my stories, real or imagined.
  18. The music I listen to depends on my state of mind. I will always, always look for songs that resonate with my moods and periods and spheres. And I’d always sing at the top of my lungs when I’m mad. In depression and anger, Imagine Dragons. In good and trying times, Natasha Beddingfeld and Sarah Bareilles. In sadness and hope, Kodaline and Tom Odell. Or similar. =)
  19. I self-calibrate and the only way I pull through a problem is by pulling myself through it. It takes time usually but I eventually make it. I have become so self-reliant that it’s no longer easy to seek help from others.
  20. I am not defined by my weight and the size of clothes I wear. Similarly, my being is not the totality of the TV shows I watch or the books I indulge in. My current employment as a cashier isn’t all there is to me either.
  21. I am a pasta person. And basil is the bomb.
  22. I want my family to be reunited and complete here in Canada. Also, I wish to be an aunt soon.
  23. I will never find my old friends in the new people I have around me. They’re different and unique and it’s unfair to look for anyone in another.
  24. People are what matters and I need to spend more time with the people who truly matter, my family.
  25. I love spending time alone more than going out. I can survive being at home for days and not feel weird about it.
  26. I am an adult and I have to take care of adult things like applying for Visas, budgeting, investing and saving for my retirement, constantly updating my resume, and having routine meet-ups with my dentist and doctor. Acquiring new skills is also a must, a means of survival, and perhaps a form of recreation too.
  27. I will never cease talking to myself and taking long walks when I’m sad or down. Similarly, I will always, always marvel at the world with my pair of observer eyes. I’d still listen to conversations in the street, on the bus, in the subway. I’d still feel connected to every stranger out there.
  28. I know that many people are better than me. I know I may fail in the things I want in life. I know I will make mistakes and at times, lose perspective. But these truths are not hindrances. At the end of the day, my only competition is my previous state of mind and my former self. And I love her, will love her regardless. I dictate my fate.

P.S. Below is my favourite 28th birthday photograph. My mother prepared breakfast in bed on my special day.

28th

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