Sorry, Sir

I hated the kind of worker I was today. This hate stems from me cautioning a man to go way back the long queue.

It’s the busy hour and a man jumped the line and I was fazed. I told him to fall in line and not cut it next time. And by the sound of his voice, he was hurt and very upset with me. He didn’t make a scene, he didn’t shout but his words pierced through. He simply said, “Don’t do that to me.” And I looked up and realized what I missed. He has difficulty walking and there’s a cast on his neck. Honestly, I didn’t know he had difficulties at first. I was just busy with the register. I was just hurrying to get my papers organized in order to move on to the next person. I just wasn’t paying enough attention.

But the worst part? It’s not that I made a mistake in discernment. It’s that I did not apologize to the guy after realizing where I fell short. In a mishmash of all the guilt and shame and confusion that I was feeling, I acted as if I did not hurt him. I served him and pronounced my standard line: “Good bye and have a nice day, Sir”. I managed to get the words out though I couldn’t  bear looking him in the eye. I was horrible and I feel horrible for how I acted. I just learned how blinded about customer service I have been and can be. I didn’t see this person’s needs. I was too self-absorbed, only focused on efficiency, getting the job done, and killing the line up. I was a robot. I was a mean, mechanical cashiering machine. And for this, I’m ashamed. For this, I’m terribly embarrassed. I just want this out there so I can sleep tonight. I need to let this out and process it in order to move on.

Allow me to say this: That I’m really, very sorry, Sir. I was a douchebag. And  thank you for making me realize many things today. I wish you get to forget about how I treated you because it is inexcusable. I am inexcusable. I wish I never get to be that way again. I wish you find it in your heart to forgive me… ’cause personally, I may never be able to do so, with myself.

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