Scared would be an understatement. Watching time go while waiting for what would soon reveal itself is no easy feat. It’s like life is in slow-mo but none of the routines of the day actually happen that leisurely, reluctantly. I was scared for answers which is why I delayed asking the questions and I’m even more scared now that the questions have been asked and all that’s left to be heard are the answers. My bones shiver without the pain. My hands tremble without the quake. My heart beats and only fears. What now? How now? Will there be tomorrow? Will I be there still?
There are things you will miss out on in life. It could be a birthday you wished to attend, a musicale you saved for to see, a beloved friend’s wedding, or little chats and conversations with your best buds over coffee or ice cream or tea. It will break your heart when such moments come. It will feel as though you’ve failed for not being there for the people who matter most but life is like that. Learn to accept that not every happy scene would have you, that not all things you wish for will come true. How grim, I know; but don’t feel bad about things going opposite of what you desire. There are values and virtues you earn by missing out sometimes. For now, keep heart and stay strong. There will come a time for home.