I Wanted To Call My Dad

I wanted to call my dad after receiving a funny message from him. I was dialing his name on Viber. But upon hearing the rings, I couldn’t help my tears. Tears just kept falling that I couldn’t stop crying. I wanna tell him about everything, all the things that make up my life here. I wanna tell him, Daddy everything’s hard. Daddy, I wanna go home. Daddy, I don’t like who I am. I wanna cry and tell him everything like that one time I told him I have just broken up with someone who truly mattered. I wanna hear him tell me that things are going to pass and something better is bound to come along. I wanna hear him say, I’m doing okay. I badly need such a reassurance from him. I just couldn’t muster enough courage or strength from myself. Not with all that’s going on, not with things I haven’t adjusted to, not with the things I haven’t achieved, now with all the things I’m failing at. But I had to end the call. I had to cry alone in the bathroom instead, I had to control my sobs from echoing  in this very little home that I am in, ’cause my dad thinks more of me and ’cause my mom does not deserve to hear me break apart. I promised my dad that I would keep strong, that I would keep trying, that I would work my hardest for our family… that I’d even get him a car. I wanted to tell my dad I wanna quit all this, but I will not. I will not. I will hang on to his faith in me and push on. Daddy, I’m attempting to be brave. Daddy, sorry for being such a frail little girl. Please keep sending me funny messages so I could attempt to laugh my way through all them things that make me wanna cry each time.

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