Been playing pretend. Been joking around. Been trying real hard to love someone again. The danger in the game I play is the lines get blurry. To certain extents, things get murky and dangerous and stupid. I don’t know my cards anymore. I am running out of moves, losing strategies. Separating what’s real from what’s made up, or forced, or hoped for, is no longer easy. I must delineate. Must clarify game rules, the battle grounds. Must get ahead in the game again. Must protect the self, more than any other. Must shut down, hunt and kill all sorts of feelings. MUST.