Don’t Date Me

Dating sounds scary to me. What does it even mean? Is it as simple as hanging out with friends? How do people keep it natural around each other on a date? I kinda think it equates to being pretentious. Things feel awkward. Expectations exist. You get too cautious, eager to please the other person. Being in your best behaviour at all costs, scared of making mistakes. It must be similar to shopping for something or test driving a car. Having a feel for what you may like, a taste test. I dunno. Dating seems complex though it actually only involves drinking beer or coffee or going out for dinner. Or a walk in the park, seeing a movie. Something social. Something fun. Supposedly not that big a deal but I don’t understand how it works. I would probably never be the dating kind of girl. Me with my fumbly fingers and inability to walk in heels, my poor expressions and lack of tact and humor in situations. Me with my nerves and tendency to overthink. I’d zone out, for sure. I’d be lost… would be freakin’ creeped out! The need for appearances. The covers. The facades. It will be hard. Somehow what I wish for is that whoever gets genuinely and truly interested in me manage to know who I am without asking me out on a date alone. I refuse to try so hard to please that person. I just want to be known, quirks and all, without discussing what I like and who I am. So, please don’t ask me out on a date. How about hanging out just as friends for now? You know, allow feelings to grow that way if they ever will. No pressure. Hassle-free. Rid of expectations. Real. ツ

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