It’s half-past 12 midnight. There’s this longing for coffee to bless my soul and for rest to fall on my body. These are contradictory things, of course. Coffee will perk me up and I should probably opt for milk instead. But isn’t milk lame? Isn’t it for babies? I’ve grown so much in the past months that I think milk won’t be acceptable for me anymore. It wouldn’t feel right with all the hard labor I’ve put in. It’s coffee that I need. It makes me feel strong and think clear and get going even more. Sadly, though, my eyes are about to droop even if I desire to continue awake.

Life feels surreal. How could I have gotten here where I’m the stranger? Makes me remember that I used to compare myself to a big fish in a small pond. I was right after all, about being the big fish. I am big, way bigger now! But wherever I go, the pond gets larger. This isn’t even a pond anymore. It’s an entire ocean of people who scare me.

I need coffee. I’m not coherent, again. Like most of my days and most of my nights and most of my years and most of my entire life.

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